Functional Northern
The home of funny, honest books about life, marriage, menopause, teaching, living abroad and much more.
Truthful first. Funny second.
Compassion always.
About Me
I’m Jennifer Blackburn — writer, teacher, northerner and accidental Lanzarote resident.
I write the Functional Northern books: funny, honest stories about ordinary life and the extraordinary amount of nonsense it contains.
Marriage, menopause, teaching, moving abroad, dieting, family and the general business of being a middle-aged woman who still hasn’t received the instruction manual.
I’m originally from Manchester but now live in Lanzarote, where I teach English, write books and spend an unreasonable amount of time turning things that happen to me into material.
My writing is based on real life — the ridiculous bits, the difficult bits and everything in between. I believe you can tell the truth without losing the humour, laugh at life without making light of it, and find something worth writing about almost anywhere.
Truthful first. Funny second.
Compassion always.
Welcome to Functional Northern.
Pull up a chair. There’s probably a story. ❤️
My Books
Funny, honest books about real life — the bits that happen when nobody is following the plan.
AND JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT IT WAS SAFE
TO GO BACK TO AMAZON…
There are another seven coming.
You're gonna need a bigger bookshelf.
Apparently five books weren't enough.
There are another seven Functional Northern books currently somewhere between “I've had an idea” and “Oh God, now I've actually got to write it.”
Here's what's currently cluttering up my desk...
FUNCTIONAL NORTHERN LEARNING
The courses they forgot to teach you.
Practical courses for actual grown-ups.
Real-life situations, useful-ish advice, laughs, quizzes and the occasional piece of information you may genuinely need.
No prior common sense required.
FUNCTIONAL NORTHERN ACTIVITY BOOKS
For when your brain needs something to do that isn't worrying.
Sometimes self-care is less “yoga retreat” and more “give me a pen and nobody speak to me.”
Puzzles, colouring, quizzes, doodles and assorted nonsense for grown-ups whose brains could do with being occupied by something other than life.
No pressure. No talent required. No personal growth compulsory. 😂
FICTION — BECAUSE APPARENTLY MAKING THINGS UP IS A LEGITIMATE CAREER CHOICE
Until now, Functional Northern has mostly involved me writing about things that actually happened.
This seemed unnecessarily restrictive.
So, welcome to the fiction department — where I get to invent the people, ruin their lives, give them questionable decisions to make, occasionally provide them with a cat, and then decide whether they deserve a happy ending.
These books are different from the Functional Northern series. Different characters. Different worlds. Different kinds of stories.
Some are funny. Some are romantic. Some are thoughtful. Some might quietly break your heart before putting it back together again.
There are ordinary people living extraordinary little moments, second chances, relationships, loss, love, ridiculous animals, and the occasional reminder that none of us really knows what we're doing.
None of them are available yet.
I know. Bit of a crappy sales technique.
But they're coming.
And this is where you'll find them when they do. ❤️
FUNCTIONAL NORTHERN HAS ESCAPED THE BOOKS...
And apparently ended up in a bag.
Holiday Survival Packs — made for Lanzarote holidays, containing the useful little things you didn't realise you'd need until approximately 14 minutes after arriving
€15 each · 2 for €25 — save €5
🌴 Available exclusively for collection or delivery in Lanzarote 🇮🇨
Holiday Survival Pack
includes a downloadable Costa Teguise eGuide absolutely free - see below ⤵️
DON’T NEED THE WHOLE SURVIVAL PACK?
No problem. You can grab the guide on it's own
The Functional Northern Guide to Costa Teguise
122 pages, written by someone who actually lives here — real tips, local knowledge, useful stuff, live section links and considerably less brochure bollocks. 😂
€5 • Digital Guide • Download instantly
For people who just want the guide
🎁 FREE E-BOOK
THE FUNCTIONAL NORTHERN GUIDE TO
BEING A FULLY FUNCTIONING ADULT
For people who are technically grown-ups but would like to appeal the decision.
12 pages of highly questionable guidance.
No email. No sign-up. No catch.
FREEBIES & FUN STUFF
Games, quizzes, challenges and other completely unnecessary things I've made for you.
They're free.
Don't say I never give you anything.
